I am so grateful to find someone in this fallen world who hates this film with the burning, gem-like flame of hate I have felt since paying a babysitter and full freight for evening tickets to watch this god-cursed abomination in an actual theater.
Prometheus and Covenant are perfect examples of The Idiot Plot. (A story that otherwise wouldn’t happen or would resolve immediately if every character involved wasn’t a complete idiot.)
At least with Prometheus Ridley did it on purpose for some failed attempt at the symbolism of Greek tragedy. It wasn’t an oversight that the cartographer gets lost and the biologist gets attacked by a wild animal, it just didn’t work. At all.
I love a good spite watch, I love the acidity and CORRECTNESS of this, hated this movie from the first time I saw it in theatres back in college. Sloppy, maddening, ridiculous. Bless this thorough takedown.
I love this movie so much for all the reasons you pointed. A gorgeous mess going in one direction, against all logic, just like every character in the movie, Charlize Theron in particular.
I'm still angry about this fillum. Spent good money going up to London to watch it on an iMax screen. I have refused to watch any other Ridley Scott fillums since the. I feel like he owes me money.
The fucking guys doing the mapping get fucking lost ffs.
Now I have to watch it again. I could see the plot was terrible but I sort of loved it. (Sorry-- I'm a sucker for those visuals.) I need to go through it and look for all these disasters.
Your piece nudged me to rewatch Prometheus this evening and even though the whole thing is idiotic, the bit where the biologist pets the cute cobra is twice as ludicrous as I remembered. Credit to Idris Elba though. He knows he’s filming crap, he just says his lines and gets out of the way. Pro.
Had to read this after posting in defence of swearing and my love of the word c*nt - your title had me hooked. Also, just watched Romulus last night and oh my fucking god, what a load of shite. I honestly don't love much stuff I watch these days, but that really was another level of garbage. Then you reminded me how bad Prometheus was! Thank you for making me relive those memories and swear about them along with you. Just the sort of raging fucking rant I needed this morning.
There are people on YT and TikTok who treat like biblical scripture. I assume you’ve deep dived on the “Deacon”-the Jesus xenomorph. I find it fascinating as a cultural artefact that people have invested far too much time in.
I do think that the David arc is interesting. He is clearly experimenting on the humans in the hope of creating life for himself. None of this it said. It’s all implied.
OK. I get it. After reading this there is no way I will ever watch the movie. A litany of the kinds of stupid details I hate in a science fiction movie. But I don't understand why you have watched it 20 times. I would think once would have been ample
Godawful movie. Whatever redeeming value it may have had was brutally hacked away in the biggest editing bodge inflicted on a motion picture. Those responsible should be blinded and have their thumbs removed.
Everyone I know thinks Prometheus is dumb and terrible and so I have trouble getting myself worked up about it (though I just looked it up and apparently Roger Ebert gave it 4 out of 4 stars and said it was one of the best films of 2012?!), but my version of this hatred is for Interstellar.
The movie was patting itself on the back so hard for understanding time dilation, and yet the scientists in the movie did not actually account for it: the advance scouting party that went to the black-hole-adjacent planet had only been there (from their perspective) for like 2 minutes by the time Matthew McConaughey arrives which they should have realized. There was no reason to believe that the scouts had had any time to properly evaluate the planet for habitability (not to mention that waves the size of mountain ranges are apparently not visible from space??). They literally wasted 20 years (his kids' entire lives!) on an obviously pointless mission.
And don't even get me started on "love is a scientifically quantifiable force that transcends space and time (and in fact is the only thing that does)"
I feel like this is a common sci-fi/fantasy failing where the characters should know better by virtue of living in the story's universe their entire lives, but get surprised by the sci-fi thing at the same time the audience does.
Prometheus felt like a profound betrayal. I saw Alien when I was 10. In the theater. I just fell for the mysterious marketing. So I made my parents take me to see it.
It was horrifying and became etched on my brain. And yet, I never wanted to forget it. And never did. The creature's biology and merciless life cycle were simply fascinating.
Decades later I see Prometheus and when it was over I regretted every minute. Still do, even though I barely remember any of it.
Wow...when you get worked up you really get worked up.
Great writing. First I've read of yours.
All facts. But, I doused the hot iron I had prepared for Lindelof a long time ago. Don't think I could adequately put into words the feeling I had at my car in the lot outside the theatre that first viewing. I fought the part of me that wanted to go back in and watch it again just to see if it was really as shite as I thought. I don't blame Ridley. He has a great eye, but his films have always had this feigned poignancy I never liked. Oh, the drama. And Lindelof...ack.
I watch it now like a moving painting when I can't fall asleep. And I love Fassbender as David (I quote Lawrence of Arabia, as well)
I am so grateful to find someone in this fallen world who hates this film with the burning, gem-like flame of hate I have felt since paying a babysitter and full freight for evening tickets to watch this god-cursed abomination in an actual theater.
Honestly we should start a support group
Prometheus and Covenant are perfect examples of The Idiot Plot. (A story that otherwise wouldn’t happen or would resolve immediately if every character involved wasn’t a complete idiot.)
At least with Prometheus Ridley did it on purpose for some failed attempt at the symbolism of Greek tragedy. It wasn’t an oversight that the cartographer gets lost and the biologist gets attacked by a wild animal, it just didn’t work. At all.
I love a good spite watch, I love the acidity and CORRECTNESS of this, hated this movie from the first time I saw it in theatres back in college. Sloppy, maddening, ridiculous. Bless this thorough takedown.
We (the haters) are legion!
I love this movie so much for all the reasons you pointed. A gorgeous mess going in one direction, against all logic, just like every character in the movie, Charlize Theron in particular.
Why don’t these c*nts have their helmets on?…priceless.
Fabulous, Heather; simply fabulous!
‘Needlessly American’, too. An allegory for the times?
I'm still angry about this fillum. Spent good money going up to London to watch it on an iMax screen. I have refused to watch any other Ridley Scott fillums since the. I feel like he owes me money.
The fucking guys doing the mapping get fucking lost ffs.
Now I have to watch it again. I could see the plot was terrible but I sort of loved it. (Sorry-- I'm a sucker for those visuals.) I need to go through it and look for all these disasters.
Your piece nudged me to rewatch Prometheus this evening and even though the whole thing is idiotic, the bit where the biologist pets the cute cobra is twice as ludicrous as I remembered. Credit to Idris Elba though. He knows he’s filming crap, he just says his lines and gets out of the way. Pro.
puts exactly as much effort into that accent as he needs to.... and not an iota more
Had to read this after posting in defence of swearing and my love of the word c*nt - your title had me hooked. Also, just watched Romulus last night and oh my fucking god, what a load of shite. I honestly don't love much stuff I watch these days, but that really was another level of garbage. Then you reminded me how bad Prometheus was! Thank you for making me relive those memories and swear about them along with you. Just the sort of raging fucking rant I needed this morning.
You're so welcome!
There are people on YT and TikTok who treat like biblical scripture. I assume you’ve deep dived on the “Deacon”-the Jesus xenomorph. I find it fascinating as a cultural artefact that people have invested far too much time in.
I do think that the David arc is interesting. He is clearly experimenting on the humans in the hope of creating life for himself. None of this it said. It’s all implied.
One of the very few films I was unable to stay in the cinema for
OK. I get it. After reading this there is no way I will ever watch the movie. A litany of the kinds of stupid details I hate in a science fiction movie. But I don't understand why you have watched it 20 times. I would think once would have been ample
Godawful movie. Whatever redeeming value it may have had was brutally hacked away in the biggest editing bodge inflicted on a motion picture. Those responsible should be blinded and have their thumbs removed.
Great eviscerating review.
Everyone I know thinks Prometheus is dumb and terrible and so I have trouble getting myself worked up about it (though I just looked it up and apparently Roger Ebert gave it 4 out of 4 stars and said it was one of the best films of 2012?!), but my version of this hatred is for Interstellar.
The movie was patting itself on the back so hard for understanding time dilation, and yet the scientists in the movie did not actually account for it: the advance scouting party that went to the black-hole-adjacent planet had only been there (from their perspective) for like 2 minutes by the time Matthew McConaughey arrives which they should have realized. There was no reason to believe that the scouts had had any time to properly evaluate the planet for habitability (not to mention that waves the size of mountain ranges are apparently not visible from space??). They literally wasted 20 years (his kids' entire lives!) on an obviously pointless mission.
And don't even get me started on "love is a scientifically quantifiable force that transcends space and time (and in fact is the only thing that does)"
I feel like this is a common sci-fi/fantasy failing where the characters should know better by virtue of living in the story's universe their entire lives, but get surprised by the sci-fi thing at the same time the audience does.
Prometheus felt like a profound betrayal. I saw Alien when I was 10. In the theater. I just fell for the mysterious marketing. So I made my parents take me to see it.
It was horrifying and became etched on my brain. And yet, I never wanted to forget it. And never did. The creature's biology and merciless life cycle were simply fascinating.
Decades later I see Prometheus and when it was over I regretted every minute. Still do, even though I barely remember any of it.
Wow...when you get worked up you really get worked up.
Great writing. First I've read of yours.
All facts. But, I doused the hot iron I had prepared for Lindelof a long time ago. Don't think I could adequately put into words the feeling I had at my car in the lot outside the theatre that first viewing. I fought the part of me that wanted to go back in and watch it again just to see if it was really as shite as I thought. I don't blame Ridley. He has a great eye, but his films have always had this feigned poignancy I never liked. Oh, the drama. And Lindelof...ack.
I watch it now like a moving painting when I can't fall asleep. And I love Fassbender as David (I quote Lawrence of Arabia, as well)